Wednesday, October 19

Final Year

20/10/2016 dan 1424 di Makmal Komputer Fizik, Fakulti Sains.

Yesterday, I just wondered how pitiful my life was right now. I don't know which point did I bend and become worse. Everything seemed perfect with the excellence, but the inner self of mine, I don't know how many times should I felt I'm not happy ;) I asked the questions all over again, again and again till I felt so hopeless with the conditions that I was in.

Well, I just don't know how to say.

Before this, many times I wanted to log into this account and tell but most of the times until now I couldn't reach the account and log in. Those times were times that I really need someone/something to cry on.

I aimed high, I know someone who was matured enough in my previous life and I hope he still is, who was insecure about the boys around me and didn't have the courage just to tell me that. He told me in hesitate but I am well aware of his concerns. But I couldn't do much since my life was around them since Physics is my major and my circle of friends were from science faculty of different departments and most of them were boys. That doesn't even bother me actually. I never had them as equality to my man. And that was my mistake to not letting him know that. But it's okay. Past is past.

Well, maturity is something that you can never buy. Maturity is all about how you treat people, how you react to people when they give you plenty of headaches and heartaches, how you concern to surroundings with good things and good vibes, how you really attached and care towards your family, your sisters, and brothers with what not and so not which they can do and cannot do, how you handle pressure and tackle all the problems away, how you achieve medals and supported by your loved ones, how you become as loved one and keep on supporting--- that never bring your loved one down with no spirits, I missed those persons who really bring me with goodness. I missed those persons who can cheer my life up, and indulged me with positive auras, not tear me down with weak and unstable internal and inner side of thyself.

I think I tried my hard giving my best to people who surround me, with the help and positiveness but I ended up to be one super sad girl who secretly deeply feel so useless with what she had done now. I tried but I failed. One thing for sure, I am not in good hands who I can really rely on to and that's what make me super sad and inferior. I supposed to not feel this but I think I wrongly chose people who supposed to be in my life. I don't know exactly how to detach from myself actually. Maybe I should be gone with deleting everything in social medias and delete all the numbers that people can contact me.

One free advice for people today;

Just go and annoy yourself. Don't be a burden to people and had 
them to hold everything for you. Spread your positive auras, not putting people down with smirks. You not own this world, punk. You just had this one little problem with Him that you really don't have the calmness in your heart. Go find Him before He made everything that you begin to wade is super difficult for you.You just begin a journey, but He knew how to trick in every single step that you are in. Just go find Him back. Slowly.

Me too. I really need to relax and sit back. And of course keep detached. 

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Hai awak! Moga awak sentiasa diberkati Allah SWT :)